Episode 3
S1:EP3 Tracie Root-Resilience, Grief, and Being Bold
Dive into an Inspirational Journey of Resilience and Transformation on the Mindful Mutiny Podcast with Life Coach Tracie Root. Join us as we explore Tracie's captivating life story, a narrative that embraces grief, triumph over loss, battles with depression, the joys and challenges of raising children, and her remarkable evolution into a life coach. Uncover the power of turning setbacks into stepping stones, and learn how Tracie's profound experiences have fueled her mission to create positivity and empowerment. Tune in for an episode that embodies the essence of resilience, hope, and the art of transforming adversity into a catalyst for growth and success.
Transcript
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Welcome to the mindful mutiny. Podcast I'm Jeremy Van Wert, CEO therapist and high level coach on mindful mutiny. We thoughtfully rebel against anything that keeps people from obtaining their highest potential. You are going to want to listen today to the podcast guest that we have, we have tracy root, a person that I have known for a very long period of time. She is a coach. She has an amazing story to tell about running up against some really difficult things in life.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: She had a life that she thought she was going to live. Different things happened. She had to pivot. She had to be resilient. She had to change everything about what it is that life was to her, and what she does now is she helps people do that very thing and transcend all sorts of things. So today, the podcast is about the power of positivity rising above during adversity, and when you feel lost, how do you continue to strive. So, Tracy.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: welcome.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: dang! That sounds great. Let's do that. Yeah. Hi, Jeremy, thank you so much. I appreciate you having me.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Yeah, absolutely. Tracy, you have one heck of a story that goes back a ways. So where did you grow up? Where? Where was your kind of early life starting?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Yeah. Well, I always say that I grew up in Silicon Valley. But the truth is, I went to 5 different elementary schools. So I grew up in a lot of different places.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Many of them were in the South Bay, South San Francisco Bay Area. I did have a little stint when we lived in New York for a short period of time. But you know I always kind of felt like I was the girl who was new at school.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like I said, 5 elementary schools every now and then there might be 2 years, but sometimes it was just one year to school before we went on. My Dad was in semiconductor sales with companies in the Silicon Valley in the early days of computers.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Growing up in Cupertino is very funny. I listening to the Steve Jobs biography I was. I'm very much an audio book person listening to. That was almost like listening to my own history because he would call out things that were in Cupertino in the seventies when I lived there.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So you know Cupertino, Saratoga, different places in the South Bay, but never in the same house for more than a couple of years, because my dad was moving up in his corporate ladder, and we'd move to a better neighborhood in a bigger house or a nicer place.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and so that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: formed a lot of those early years of always being kind of in transition.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: being able to manage change, being able to fold into a new community in a new environment.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And I didn't really realize it. Obviously, until these last 11 years or so, being a coach, how much that formed my ability to show up in a room where I never didn't know anybody before, or to stand out in a crowd where maybe people had never met me.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: No, I my goodness! So you you moved, you said, like 5 or 6 times in the same.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So 5 elementary schools, meaning that. And a couple of times before that we moved.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So it's a kindergarten, one school here in San Jose. And then we moved to New York, and I lived on Long Island, New York, for about 2 and a half years.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and as soon as I started getting that cute little New York accent.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Dad.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: toward the ball. To me Dad was not too heavy about that, and we moved back to California. I don't know why he never really told me, but I heard that that was the rumor that when he heard me starting to adopt the Long Island accent, he decided we were moving back to California
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: for whatever reason. So we move back to Cupertino.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and then he got a promotion, and we moved to Saratoga, and then my parents got divorced, and we moved back to Cupertino. And so between all of those those different years that equates to 5 different elementary schools.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: So I'm I'm just hearing early on this need for reinvention, resiliency, changing your social groups, going from this place to that, dealing with a divorce young person, and at the same time I was 7, 8, 9 years old, so none of that was conscious.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But it was, you know, that survival skill that I created within myself, and and honestly like I get a lot of that from my dad as well. He was in sales. He was a very gregarious, extroverted kind of guy. Everyone loved him. He was super popular, and I know that a lot of my positivity and my resilience I got from him
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: even before I recognize that that's what it was in my life. So you know, looking back on it as an adult
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and recognizing the gifts that I got from my parents all those years ago. I know that. A lot of that was because, as the older child of 2, we, you know, and moving around you kinda do that in order to
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: live your life
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the opposite is
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: to me was to me not something that would have been okay, right to close down, to not be open to making new friendships and stuff like that would have been a very sad childhood, I think, and I had a fine childhood.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and even with my parents getting divorced when I was. I think it was fifth grade.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: That that finished up, and we ended up moving as I was going into sixth grade.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, even though that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: change obviously was significant in our household and changed a lot of dynamics between myself and my parents and my sister the need and the ability to go into a new place and have a new teacher and be, you know, with new students, was nothing new to me at that point, so it allowed me to continue to succeed in school, and to, you know, continue to develop into me
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so like so many people from the South Bay area. You ended up going to San Jose State. I did. Yeah, I did. And I didn't really start out that way. I thought that I was going to go to Sax State, actually Sacramento State
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and but that was kind of a plan with a boyfriend of the time we were both gonna go and we broke up. So it was a little dramatic, because I thought that, you know, this particular year summer of 1990 I was planning to move to Sacramento or to apply to Sacramento. I had one more year before I was gonna transfer.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that relationship fall apart, and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I spent most of those years post divorce, living with my mom
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and at the time at that kind of timeframe. I was living with. Some girlfriends in an apartment.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: was going to transfer to Sacramento State, and that boyfriend and I were both going to go there, and since we broke up I didn't know what to do, called my dad, and I'm in tears like, well, you could come live with us. I was like, Oh, my God, thank you so much like that was a dream, because I never have lived with my dad and my step mom, since my parents got divorced. I was always with living with my mom. I mean, it was shared custody, but I didn't live with them.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and so it was a very It was kind of the anchor that I needed when I didn't know what the feature held. so the opportunity to go and live with them. They had a room for me with like a separate entrance. I felt very, you know, adult, and at the same time very well
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: cared for and kind of rescued out of the situation that I didn't know what the future held.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: You know those early break ups are really tough. They they, the world stops, and it's never gonna be the same again and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and and everything. So you know, it's interesting, because I mean.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I'm I'm not saying any of that to put any kind of blame on any, I honestly I should put the blame on myself because I was a very bad person at the time.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: A big part of that was all my doing. But nonetheless the what the future held was now a mystery.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And now that as a coach. Now, it's one of those recurring themes that I recognize in so many people's stories. It's all about not knowing what the future holds, those
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: UN. Not unmet expectations, but like just not knowing with future holds. For instance, with the pandemic these last few years.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that's what every single person went through is not knowing what the future holds, that that lack of being able to predict. Con confidently. What's next in your life.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that's a theme that you know was huge these last 5 years. It was huge for me at that moment, and those are, I think, those pivotal moments in our lives where it's like. I don't know what the future holds next, but I have to go forward.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So what am I gonna do? And that decision
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: of what are you going to do
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like puts you on whatever that path is that you're gonna take. And it's such that fork in the road. And sometimes it's not, you know sometimes that fork has 3 times, and sometimes it has 10 like it could be a really big fork.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and until you make the decision to go down one of those paths. You have no idea what the future is gonna look like. And so at that moment, when I decided to move in
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: with my dad and my someone. It was just like that. I knew that there was There was a lot of safety there. There was a lot of like. If I do this, I know that everything will work out. I don't know what it is, but I know it'll work out, and it was very
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: II really needed that at that moment when other options were like, I don't know if it's gonna work out. This is one that I could count on.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Well, you end up going through San Jose State, and at a certain point the next kind of stage of life comes for you. What were you seeing for your future at a certain point?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well, while I was in San Jose State, I met my first husband. We didn't meet there, but that was the time same timeframe those early nineties
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: While I was actually still in school, we moved in together, and that whole kind of relationship, in next phase of life, began right living with the guy, which is the first time I ever lived with the guy, and seeing that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: this relationship was something that was going to move on for a very long time. Ultimately I did graduate from college. I got my first job out of college about a week before graduation, actually. And that was actually a company that I worked for for 17 years until I left corporate. Was that all that one company?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: We were a consulting firm. So even though I worked for one company, we were small, we were super agile, and we worked for all of the bigger companies in Silicon Valley during the late nineties, year 2,000 early 2,000, which is dotcom Bubble.
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::burst like all of these things that happen.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So I learned in in my work
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: about the economy, and how all of those things affect a company of size, and how companies got created. And then they merged, and then they grew, and then they shrunk, and then they broke, and and it was a really great learning curve. At the same time I was in this relationship with Paul, my first husband.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: he, during a period of that time, was working for a band and was on the road a lot.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So while we were in this relationship, living together he wasn't there. and I went through a real period of adjustment where II probably was.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: could have been diagnosed with depression. He was gone for the better part of 3 years, off and on and at work. It was really starting to affect my work.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: one day on the job
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I yelled at a client. and it was bad like. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but I remember the fallout from that.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I got called to my boss's house actually again. Small company, right? We all know each other pretty personally, and they said. You know, I don't know what's going on.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but this is gonna like, affect your career. If you don't do something.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And this is what we want to do to help, and they sent me to Dale Carnegie training.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: which I know right? So I'm it was so lucky it gave me an opportunity to recognize
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: to see the bigger picture of my day to day existence
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: which is a huge value as we move forward in the story, too. But to understand that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that as you let things build up. they turn into something that you never intended if you're not paying attention.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So they sent me to del Carnegie training, which was amazing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I learned how to be a speaker. I learned how to be a teacher. I was kind of already teaching, but like in a classroom type of setting and ultimately graduating from that program, I got to come back and be a student like a an intern. Also teaching the class around the second time. It was my first
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: real understanding of any kind of personal and professional development that wasn't technical. you know, that was more internal and understanding of your your mind and your
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: your
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: kind of your your you know your thoughts behind your what you're doing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Huge value. I even I, still have all of my books, and all of the content from that, because it was so, life changing for me. I think that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: had that well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I was about to say. Had that not happened, you know, things would have been different. Of course they would have, because every major event like that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: would send you down a different path. But it was a huge I'm always very grateful for that opportunity to have taken that class. The company yes, they saw.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that could really help me turn things around. And it did. I was with that company for 17 years. I left at a very high level, and I left because it was time for me to leave, not because opportunities were gone, or you know, any other negative reason. It was just
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: a lot had changed.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so, yeah.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: I'm so impressed with a company who would recognize that an employee is beginning to struggle for whatever reason they're struggling. They've done something that is out of characteristic for them, and they sat down with them and started with trying to understand, and then offered a major benefit to you, for all that you have done that is, is frighteningly
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::Jeremy Van Wert: rare in the corporate world. And so this, this sounds like a an amazing group of people that were around you that wanted to support you, that really cared for you and and and put a major piece of education in your path. Yeah, it's really true and you know, that company still is around there. Obviously, I've gone through a lot of changes like we're talking. I graduated from college in 95. I started there
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: a week before graduation, and they.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I think I was. I may have been the first actual employee
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: of the company, but they still exist. And you know, the original founders have retired since then and stuff. But we did a lot of
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: really great work over the years, and you know the one of the other really amazing things that that allowed me to do is since we were a small company, working in kind of a consulting fashion.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I never felt like I was, you know, a corporate number in a you know, one of thousands, right? I was one of 15
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: or 30 depending on, you know, the year and how big we got that year. So you know, we were always very small. Yeah, we worked at these big companies. So we were able to bring an agility
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and an understanding of you know. Kind of what's right, not what corporate requires
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in a lot of sense and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and the companies that we worked for
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: were. I mean gosh! All the way, you know.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: from applied materials, and Hewlett, Packard and all of the giants to companies that no longer exist, because it was during the bubble in the 2,000. So
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, we got a lot of really great understanding and perspective from how different companies run each other. And I think that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: helps me in understanding my coaching clients who maybe are in corporate now and are trying to leave or have had their own corporate experience. And
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: knowing that you know all of those experiences are different. Yet there's a lot of similarities, no matter how big the company was, and so we get to help them, you know. Understand how that's affected them as well.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: So you're in this position here where
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::Jeremy Van Wert: you've got some depression coming from your situation at home
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Paul is gone doing a touring a touring group. Activity for for a living.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: You're you're feeling depression and in your irritability at work. And this training program through the Carnegie
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::Jeremy Van Wert: institution. how did that affect your just overall wellbeing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well, a big part of how everything kind of came to resolution is. Paul went off the road. He was working for a rock band at the time actually and you know, I obviously I told him what was going on, and I was just, and he came up right and and shifted gears from what he was doing into doing other things, and he was always kind of the idea. Guy, I don't know. Did you ever get a chance to meet him. Did you ever know him?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I'm not sure I did. I don't know if you did
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So he was. He came from New Orleans very very creative, youngest of youngest of 9.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And just a super creative, unique human.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: He was the idea, Guy, and I was always the implementer.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Right. I'm the one that's working corporate. I'm bringing home the bacon. Right? I'm I'm I'm working the job. And he's coming up with all the ideas and doing this creative thing. And oh, let's start this. And oh, let's do that. And what if we did this someday? Always ideas.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so I think without him there. I just kind of fell into a rut of nothing is interesting. Nothing is good, you know, and having him come home, of course, you know, change changed everything going forward. It wasn't too long after that we bought our first house. We decided to get married. We decided to start our family.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: He Shortly after our first son was born in 2,006, Paul was diagnosed with cancer. and you know we spent the next 4 years
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: managing his illness. He was going to treatments. He had chemo, he had radiation. It went away. It came back like all of all of the this experiences anyone's had with cancer pretty much happened with him, including that after a four-year struggle he passed away.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: left me at home with 2 little kids.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: They were one and a half and 4 when he passed, and I was still working for that same company that I was working for originally. So they had been with me from straight out of college, through this whole relationship, through getting married, through through the kids, through his illness, his recovery, his recurrence, and his passing. So again back to that company. I'm very grateful, for you know every
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: they were my family at the time. Helping me go through everything, and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: after he was gone. You know I spent obviously the the period of time. Shortly after that, you know, the next year year and a half in that grief fog, and for everyone that amount of time is different, and what happens in your life is different. But for me it looked like I didn't have any family nearby. My parents
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that I'd lived with in college. They had moved to Florida. My mom, who I'd grown up with, had passed away several years before from cancer also.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so I was basically left to my own devices with a great job with a great company with 2 little kids.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And that was where we were at.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I would get up in the morning, take them to daycare, go work the job, come home, you know. Pick them up, come home. Get them to bed. medicate with some junk, food and some wine, because I'm a mom and go to bed and do it all over again every day for who knows how long?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: About a year and a half after he died, I said finally, kind of woke up a little bit more and said, I'm gonna have to do something different, because this sucks
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and it's hard, and every day is hard. And I'm tired of being in survival mode
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because I was still me inside somewhere, and I wanted to be energetic and positive and ready to, you know, do all the things.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But I was exhausted, and and it was really hard. So I decided that I would figure out how to start feeling better
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like I said I had 2 kids and gone through all of that. So I had a lot of extra weight on me. I, you know, was survival mode day tonight and over again. So I said, you know, if I
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: do something about kind of feeling better about myself and my body.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I will start to have more energy and start to feel better about doing other things in my life.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And this is a pretty classic kind of weight loss, transformation. Kind of story, right? You say. Oh, I'm gonna lose a bunch of weight, and I'll feel better, and you lose a bunch of weight, and you feel better, because that's how bodies work.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Excuse me.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the Kicker is that I found this help program that helped me lose this weight that had a coach. And so this is how I found out about coaching. I was in the corporate world, we in the 2,010.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: We didn't really talk about coaching in the corporate world back then. Right? So I got a health coach had success. and all of a sudden everyone's asking me what I did, and my coach is telling me. You know you could help them
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because they're your friends, and they want what you have.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and which is kind of the the theme of coaching right?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: We help those who want what we have.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I've had this success. I've learned these things. I'm gonna help people learn the things that I learned. And so that's how I started coaching.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: This was in 2012
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I didn't know that coaching was the thing that was going to kind of be my next to Big Fork in the road. I just knew that I was happy, kind of in my body. For the first time in a long time I felt better. I had more energy and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and people were looking for the same thing. So I started, started, started coaching them, and what I was doing, and the other thing that that gave me was a new access into personal professional development again, because the coaching world is all about it.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And I hadn't really done anything since Dale Carnegie way back before.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So I started reading books.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: listening to books, I should say, and I still remember the very first one that I listened to in that period of life which was Matthew Kelly. I don't know if you're familiar with him. He's a
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: He's great, and he's Australian, so he's got a great accent, and like I said, I listen to books so I can still hear him in my head from 11 years ago, talking about becoming the best version of yourself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and it was the beginning of this, this path that I'm on now. I started coaching in April of that year. By the end of summer I started thinking about. Maybe this could be a path to me, having my own business where I could
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: be more in charge of my schedule
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and be more available to my kids, who were now in preschool and kindergarten.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and and still never got to see them.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And they didn't have another parent. And we didn't have any family nearby. So maybe this was a way where I could move closer to my parents, closer to Paul's family, who was in Louisiana.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Florida, at least in driving distance and change the way that my kids were gonna grow up.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because the way that it is now is daycare.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that's like it was that whole story single mom daycare situation.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So that's what I did. I decided that fall that I was gonna move to Florida. I did the math on cost of living in California, cost of living in Florida, what I was making in my current job, what I was making on the side coaching as I built that business in the off hours.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and when the scales tipped.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I realized I could make more, make enough money to live in a lifestyle. That
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: is something that I would be happy about in Florida that I would make the jump. So I did
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that December we moved to Florida.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: So you have this naturally sunny disposition. You've always had this. And you know, as you're talking about this majorly trying time in your life.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: you're alone for this period of time of about a year and a half after your husband has passed away, you have to deal with the grief you have to
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::Jeremy Van Wert: keep moving. Keep moving. You have these 2 small children that have to go through the grief that a little child goes through, and and everything like that. And through this period of time
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::Jeremy Van Wert: your having to come to a couple of realizations is the work in the life that I have sustainable and trying to hold it together for as long as you can until you just realize I can't do this. Can you talk about
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::Jeremy Van Wert: the kind of emotional
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: kaleidoscope that you went through in that. That is such a good word. I love that because it is, it's like a mess.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and beautiful
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: all at the same time, right? But definitely a mess.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: yeah, it was crazy. I mean, I remember.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So this was in like 2010, 2011. So we're talking 12 years ago.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I remember driving in my minivan with the kids.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: or even without them. But even before Paul died, and they would stay at home, or they stay at home, or someone would be there, or whatever and I remember driving in the car by myself, crying
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::Jeremy Van Wert: right cause. That was the time that I had to myself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and after he died that time to myself, crying was like talking to him like that was our my time to process a lot of the thoughts and feelings that I was having, that I didn't have anyone to talk to about.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I didn't have any time when I was just by myself to do it.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So it was while I was driving in the car. So that's a big piece of that kaleidoscope is like
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: being in the car. Just
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: okay. I'm gonna let it all out right now, because as soon as I park the car
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I got somewhere I gotta be, and something I gotta do
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I also, you know, one of the great things that happened as he was in his last 6 months or so. My second child was a year old that December and Paul passed in May. So over the course of that ending period we were having a lot of visitors. Family was coming to visit. You know, we knew that even though Paul was going through treatments, he wasn't
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: ever gonna be cured. It was all about, how long is he gonna last? And so people were visiting because that's what you do when your loved one is terminal
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and And so that's also
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like one of those weird pieces of the kaleidoscope is. People were always coming and going, yet I went to work. I had to get like there was a lot of it's it's a lot of blur. And so the whole messy beauty
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: is that a lot of it? I don't really remember a lot of details.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: It's a
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: it's the I, the you know the the idea that it all happened and we made it through. But I don't really remember how awful it was.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: except for a couple of key moments and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so you have to, as someone who's gone through that grief and other grief.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: What I always share with people who are struggling in that way is that it just is what it is.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and you can't make it be different. You can't
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: make your experience be something.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You have to just navigate through it
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: until you can see what it was before. Like you can't. It's the whole of being able to know what's coming. You can't know what's coming. You don't know how you're gonna feel tomorrow.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So be in the moment today.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and you'll know by tomorrow that it's different because it's always different every day.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Is there a role that spirituality played for you in this period?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: it did not a huge role. I actually did go through the Rcia program to become a Catholic before we had kids. That was kind of one of those, hey? We, we live together. We bought a house. Then we got married.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Then I decided that if we're gonna have kids I should convert.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And I didn't have really any religious background growing up church couple of times when I was young. Type of thing. My parents weren't devout at all.
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::so
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so. But Paul grew up Catholic, youngest of 9 as I mentioned. So so I decided, okay, I'm gonna do this. And
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that happened, you know. So that happened, I got baptized. I went through the Rca. Program all that stuff that was great, and we went to church regularly, when, especially when we lived in the mountains those last few years, every Sunday, and the church was wonderfully supportive
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: during Paul's illness. You know, we had his funeral there. We had 2 females actually for him, one at our church there in the mountains, in in the Scottish.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and one in New Orleans, where he is. His remains were interred.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so you know I can't say no, it didn't have a role.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: being brought into the church later in my life. I think that was really just like a piece of the journey that had always been, which was, you know, I always believed in God. I always had this, you know, spirituality to me that didn't have a definition. It just
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: was.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and while I was baptized Catholic, I think that always still felt the same. Deep down was okay, like Catholicism, beautiful. And look at the churches and the history, and the
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: what do you call it? The rituals and and all of the ceremony of it
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that was more like icing on the cake, and the cake was still just in me.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: If that makes sense. I've never used that cake analogy. But that's that's what came out. So it really was just
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: more about
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: being able to kind of anchor myself
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in whatever moment I was in. Whether that was I'm talking to God, or I'm talking to my husband, who's dead, or I'm talking to. You know the sky in front of me shaking my fist because I'm angry. Who knows? So yeah.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: you've spent
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::Jeremy Van Wert: all of this time with this company. It was very good to you. Everything in your personal life has changed.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Everything from
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::Jeremy Van Wert: 2,008 through 2,011 was this economic cataclysm of real estate through the entire market. And so you at this point, have this decision to make you make this decision that you're going to move to Florida and do a complete overhaul on your whole life. How scary was that? Exactly what they tell people not to do when you have a big loss. Right? Don't make any major decisions. Well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so you mentioned the housing crisis and all of that. What I haven't, what I didn't mention in this whole story is, I also short sold my house.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Paul and I live with the kids up in the Los Gatos mountains. We had this acreage. It was wonderful.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: After he died. I couldn't navigate. I couldn't manage that space anymore. Too much work, too much
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: yard power outages, and it was brutal.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: It was a bummer to have to sell the house only partially because it was a dream. To live is beautiful, and we had a view, and it was wonderful. But Paul was the one who took care of the property, and I went to work and did the job.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so without him there to handle the property and deal with the generator when the power one, you know. Cause that happened a lot. I said, well, I'm gonna have to sell this house, and if this is 2,000,
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: 10,
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: 2,000, yeah, 2,010.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the house was, you know, probably underwater, and there was no market. And they're like, Well. you can short sell. And I said, Well, I'm that's what I'm gonna have to do, because the power went out for 24 h, and I thought to myself, There's no way I can handle this in the winter when this happens. For 5 days
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like this just was no way I had to leave. so that was the first kind of big decision that I made after he passed, which was short, sell the house and get out
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: thankfully. It didn't kill my credit. I don't know why.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but we did sell house. Someone else, you know, was excited to have the opportunity to live there. We moved back down into the suburbs of San Jose, and then
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the the
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know we were there for about a year and a half or so before the coaching thing started. So was it scary. It wasn't scary, because I saw, because I was moving in a direction I have a friend who sent me a message just this morning. I was sent her no yesterday to check in. She's like, well, I'm having kind of a struggle, because this Sagittarius she's describing herself. The Sagittarius
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: likes to be Gallup likes to point the arrow and be galloping towards it. I was like, oh, that is such a good fellow, Sagittarius, right here, right point the arrow, and be galloping towards it. That is totally my mo that she just gave to me this morning, so I'm grateful to her. When
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: when I think I think when I was at the job I was not in the office with my boss right. I was out in the field doing my job with the client. Day in and day out. We check in now and then, but I wasn't being managed. I wasn't. We didn't have like super regular
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: check-ins. But I'm sure that she saw that things were changing
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right? Facebook is the thing she saw that, and you know, over the. And then I went on vacation, and then I came back, and you know
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you can still tell when someone's energy is shifting. So when I called her and said, Hey, I'd love to come into the office for a meeting. She knew what was up
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because she'd seen everything that been happening for the year. So
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: was it scary. It wasn't scary at all. I went in. I said, I'm gonna give my notice. I'm gonna give you 3 months worth of notice. because this is not about having a new job. This is about having a new life.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I'm gonna be leaving the State. I'm gonna be moving to Florida my lease is up at, you know, beginning of December, or whatever. And that's when we're we're gonna go and we're gonna be in Florida by Christmas
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and And she understood she'd been my boss for 17 years. She knew me. and she knew that it was time to make, you know, an adjustment that will be for our feature. So it wasn't scary at all.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: It was challenging
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the next 6 months or so, because I didn't know how to work for myself as a new entrepreneur. You know the first 6 months of coaching I was still working corporate. It was all just on the side.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But once I didn't have that job, and I take the kids to school, and now I'm home by myself. I didn't really know how to be self employed. I didn't know how to be an entrepreneur, so it was an adjustment, and it took me a couple of years really to
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: to get into a groove cause I also moved back to California and got remarried. And you know there's more to the story. But it took me a while to figure out how to. You know it's the transition is the
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the turn towards the transition is just the term, but the transition continues until you get into the into the groove, I think.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Well, yeah. So so you you go and you're transitioning into this while you're in Florida, and then you meet your current husband there or so, my current husband. We've known each other since I was 17. We've been friends the entire time.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And, in fact, he I have pictures of him holding my firstborn at, you know, a couple of days. As soon as we got home from the
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the hospital a couple days later.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Because we were friends the whole time, you know. Obviously, geography changes. He was overseas. He's in the military. He was overseas for a while I lived, you know, Xyz places, in fact, while the second, our second kid, was being born, Tim was actually in the hospital sick himself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So you know, life throws a lot of of curveballs. But he and I we're always close from
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: 1986 all the way till now till today and onward.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So you know he was with me when
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know. When Paul was sick he helped me with the funeral arrangements. and when I got robbed. He helped repair the door. and when I moved he helped me pack.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and as we were moving to Florida, you know Tim would always tell me that he doesn't mind helping people move, but he hates helping them pack. The packing is terrible. No one likes packing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but he was always the guy with the truck, so he was always willing to help people move.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But as I'm planning to move to Florida and I'm me with 2 little kids, of course he's gonna help me. We're friends.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But as we get closer and closer to the date. excuse me. Closing closer to the date of our actual departure, it started to become apparent that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the separation of our friendship was gonna be more than just see you later. And basically, as as we were leaving, we're just like this is a problem.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You know, we already had a house leased and airline flights scheduled yet. You know, we didn't want to be separated
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: even for another day. So we ended up doing the long distance relationship thing for the next 6 months or so. And you know, he came out to visit like a month later, 2 months later, back and forth.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and by the end of that next June, 6 months later, we were engaged.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and the kids, and I said, Well. time to pack again. cause, you know, when we moved to Florida we did it in the middle of the school year like Christmas break. And so my my oldest, who was in first grade at the time, had to split his school year right, and you know how.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: if you join a school, and having gone to 5 elementary schools, I was like, oh, it'll be fine. 5 elementary schools. It's all fine. But it was hard for him, you know. He was still struggling with
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: kinda he's super smart, so he's struggling kind of with fitting in at school.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because all he wanted to do is read, and all the other boys wanted to do was like kick dirt. So I didn't want to split the school year again. So when we got engaged, I think it was July first, June thirtieth, or July first.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: we decided that we would get back here before school started.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: which was I think we moved here on August ninth. so went back to Florida, took 6 weeks to pack and sell stuff, because now we were consolidating houses. Not just me moving.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Yeah. Sold my car, sold my furniture, sold my piano. packed up, and brought everything back here, and we were back here in the beginning of August. So this kids could start school, start the school year
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::Jeremy Van Wert: a total renewal here. I'm really starting to see how your story really Melds perfectly into your approach, because your coaching approach you specifically work with women who want to start entrepreneurship.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: and who need to be in some way self reliant at various different capacities, and so forth. So your story it it melds into your coaching philosophy, and who it is that you work with. So your your coaching. Who is it for? What do you do? Your values? You know.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: as you're saying, that I'm like, but there's a piece missing. and I wanna make sure to cover that I help them to be bold.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: That is my gift to them
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and my gift to people, because. being
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: as a woman
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in business thankfully. The company that I work for was also owned by women. Right? So I never had the like. Oh, you're second class
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: person in my company, but it worked in corporate. So I saw how companies ran, and I saw the old boy network and all of that kind of stuff.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And what I know is that in various client environments there was a certain way I needed to
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in order to be accepted and respected, for the work that I was doing
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: had one client once that told me after I was on a I was on a phone call, and you know I had a headset on. This is the nineties right? Had my headset on, and I'm talking with my hand, looking at my spreadsheet, talking with the the project manager for the furniture that we were gonna be installing, and he and I had worked together for a long time. Great friendship.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: really fun. And I get off the phone and the client comes over and says, Tracy, you're being too loud. You need to be quiet.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I felt really bad, because what I knew was that he and his bosses were like over the cubicle wall from me.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I had been causing a disturbance which I didn't intend. I was just excited and like doing my thing. but it told II took my posted notes that day, and I wrote, be quiet on a post it note, and I stuck it right on my monitor
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so that I would remember next time to not be so loud
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: when I'm on the phone
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: which started to translate into. I have a persona to be at work that is professional.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: softer spoken than normal, quieter, Tracy.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: When I left that client to move on to the next client, I took my little post-it with me
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::and put it on that monitor, so that the day I arrived
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I would
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: show up in a way that they expected, so that I would be respected for the knowledge that I have, and not be this giant personality.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So the women that I work with often have felt that very same way that they need to fit into a box in order to be accepted and work that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: if they're too loud. or speak their mind too much that there is a too much, first of all.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and secondly, that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: they'll be judged that they'll be judged in a way that they would not be accepted in what they're doing. and I'm here to tell them that that's a bunch of bullshit.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that you need to be yourself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Now, are there times where we have to be appropriate for the environment. Sure am I gonna go be this wild and crazy person going into church? Probably not. But you know what I also probably am not gonna go to a church where I can't.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So it's also about understanding yourself, knowing who you are and what's important to you in being able to be that person.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So that if you're looking for clients you're authentic
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and they're attracted to that. You're not putting on a show. being a performer and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: having them be attracted to something that's not real
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right? Cause business and finding clients and serving them is not, is all about attraction. It's whether or not the person that you are and the person that they are
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: connect, so that you can learn and grow together.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And if you're not being the real you. Then that connection isn't real, either. So it's really important to help. So so the idea of Bold, you know, comes from
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: actually, the idea of Bold came from a conference that I went to, and at the end of the conference
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the leader gave us stickers and sharpies, and said, you know, I know you all have
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: all this to do. List of all these things that you wanna do when we're done and when you go home.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But it actually was a cruise conference, and we were at sea for a week. So we've been on the ship for a week.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You have all these things that you want to do when you get home. But I want to know how you're gonna be different now, what you're gonna do, but how you're gonna be different when you leave.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And I took my sharpie, and I took my sticker, and I wrote Bold in capital letters, and I stuck it to my chest.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and people were really surprised because this was 4 years ago. So it was already 6 years into coaching kind of back to my normal self already. and I'm a speaker. So I was in front of the room, and I have no concern about talking in front of the crowd, or you know, and I'm not soft spoken.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I'm 6 feet tall at the time. I had purple hair like they're like, what do you mean? You want to be bold? Look at you.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I said, Well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I can appreciate that. and I can act bold. I can show up bold. I can look bold, sound, bold, but what I needed to remember was on the inside.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that I really needed to be
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: embody that word and that feeling of
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the true authenticity and the true self
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and allow it to come out so that I can help other people
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: crack through their barriers that are keeping them from being bold also.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: How old are your children now? 14 and 17.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: So how much of this is you providing the framework for the kind of people that you want them to be?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well, I mean, ever since the day that we're born right. I mean, that's parenthood. We want them to be them their best. So I mean, okay.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I'm speaking for me. I'm speaking for a lot of people. I know.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: It's sadly not all parents right. Some parents want their child to be seen and not heard, and all those things. I believe that our job is to not raise children, but to raise adults.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that those people that they become
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: are the people who are gonna be figuring out the laws one world a if they ever get the chance. I mean, come on, you know, there's that whole. I mean. It's it's all part of it, right? My 17 year old. He's amazing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: He
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: sadly sometimes believes that no matter what he does, nothing's gonna change.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And and at the same time we'll see what happens. But he thinks he might want to be a politician.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so he's got kind of this 2 sided thing going like, I wanna be president, and nothing's ever gonna change. So I don't know what you know. We'll have to see how that plays out. He's still 17.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: yeah, since the day they were born, you know.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: even if I had to show up smaller at work. my goal is for them to be themselves
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right. So while they were little, I was still showing up how I thought I needed to at work
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: as they got older, and as I left corporate and got into coaching. And yeah, coaching's the best parenting. you know. Education I ever got, because it taught me how to listen.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and it taught me how to get wins win win situations
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right? It's
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I would have been a very different parent had all of this not happened. Of course.
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::had I been the girl with the job
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: as opposed to the girl who's trying to. Let people create their own futures.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Yeah.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: yeah, my
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::Jeremy Van Wert: my goodness, like I'm I'm just. I'm really in awe of your whole story here, because a lot of things they all happened at once. It was this
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::Jeremy Van Wert: couple of years period of time in there where you pretty much lost almost everything that there is.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: and then made a decision to go in a different direction. And it's and it's seeped into the identity for you. You no longer have to tell yourself to be quiet, to be
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::Jeremy Van Wert: a cubicle person, and everything like that. You are bold, and you help women to really speak out and and and not only discover their power, but live by it. Yeah. And and also kind of be that light, not only for them, but for your children as well, for sure. Yeah, I mean first for my children.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You know no offense, clients and friends and family. But first for my children. Because that's the most important job I have. And
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, knowing
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: knowing that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, every day is an opportunity for learning for someone, right when
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know we've had so much happen in the political arena these last few years. Every time we have something good that happens. I'm there to highlight it for them
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right? When you know, when something happens that is is monumental, we're there to
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: pointed out so that people will notice. Look, this is something that's important. and it's formative to your life. And I think that's a big part of you know, raising kids, but also helping my clients is
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the things that happen in our lives form our lives.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but not only the things that happen, but what we think about them and what we do next.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Right?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: We get. We have a woman vice President inaugurated.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I remember sitting on the sofa watching that thinking to myself, wow!
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And you know it's another step in that history that is formative for our lives. You know. I don't know how that's gonna play out with anything in the future.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And I didn't know that day either. But that's also kind of the point is we don't know how it's gonna play on the future, but recognize the moments as we move forward. So in the end we can go back and go. And that was a turning point, and that made a difference. And this happened, and that happened, and it's all part of the path that we're on as we go forward.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: For sure.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: How has
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::Jeremy Van Wert: fear and anxiety into
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::Jeremy Van Wert: your story.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Have you had to fight that, or has that been a part of things?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: yes.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: excuse me, for sure, and you know I think
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the fear and anxiety type of of
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: reaction for me has come at the times where I needed support.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right where I didn't know how to ask for help. and I definitely didn't know how to receive help. This is why I have a community. and it goes back to 5 elementary schools.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Right? I was on my own.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I had to figure out how to navigate being the new kid all the time.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I didn't have a support circle. I'm gonna have my parents, but then I didn't want my parents because they got divorced
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right. So I really was very much on my own. Even when Paul was sick. We always said it was like him and me against the world. Very small circle
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like him, me, and then a baby, and another baby and a couple of friends.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: one who is now my husband.
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::right? So
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: small circles.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: meaning that it took a lot for me to, and it probably goes back to the divorce stuff. And all of that new kids stuff is that you couldn't really rely on a large circle of support because that circle was always going to change and be gone.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So this is where you get into the therapy part. Thank you, Jeremy.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but you know the but the benefit of all of it is like we always said that resilience. So I needed to figure out.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And this is where coaching took me, too. If I'm gonna help other people.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I better figure out how I value health. because if I don't value help. how am I going to help other people like
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I can't value my own help if I'm not accepting of help like. So there was this whole education and realization that came to me as I started coaching and understanding how I was holding myself back
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because I was unable to ask for and receive help for myself. Yet I was trying to help others.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and once that all started to kind of make sense.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Things really started to change. I remember after Paul's funeral I went. We were at church one weekend. and there was a woman there who came up to me.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and you know they all knew who I was. 2 little kids, tall, blond lady.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: dead husband. We all everyone knew, and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: she came up to me and said, Hey, I am starting a catering company, and I ha! Trying all these recipes and have all this food, and I don't have anything to do with it. I'd love to be able to give you and your kids some of that, you know, if that's helpful to you.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I thought to myself I could never like, I don't need your food. I make all this. I make money. I'm got my job. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: No, thank you. I turned her down.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and this was in 2010. I still remember this 13 years ago.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I don't know if she had a catering company, but I think she could see right through me. and knew that there was. She needed to come up with a way to offer the help in a way that hopefully I would accept it. But I didn't.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: But I still remember that day, and that was.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that's a story that I go back to, on and on that like. You know what? It would have been really nice
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: to have said yes.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and to have accepted that help, and had, whatever it was that I could just put in the microwave and feed my children and myself. Of course they probably wouldn't even cause they were toddlers but myself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and and in hindsight
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: it was a big Aha for me to recognize that my inability to receive the help that was offered to me was something that was holding me back from being more generous myself.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So so that was a big. a big Aha! So that's all about fear and anxiety, fear of looking weak.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: fear of people thinking that I don't have it all under control. Right? This is all. When I was a perfectionist, and I mean the thing that changed a lot since then, and you know sometimes they're not as different as you think they are. But I really like to think that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: if I really need help, I know how to ask for it.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And if I
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and and that what's important in your life in order to be able to do. That is community having people around you
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: who you know, who you trust, who you know, you're in alignment with, as far as your values and your even your energy and your your
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: your kind. You know the values, the kindness, your your
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: understanding, your ability to listen and and make people feel, heard and understood. Those are all things that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in our community these are the people that I surround myself with now.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so like. I mentioned my friend, my fellow vegetarian friend. I just sent her a note, hey?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Haven't heard from you in a while checking in. She had told me that she was thinking about buying a house in Italy. I wanna hear about your new plans. Give me an update so exciting, just like. And she gave me her honest answer. Actually, things are kind of rough right now, and this is, you know, what's going on, because there's trust
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: between us. And I've got 20 people instead of just one or 2, and maybe it's not even 20. Maybe it's more than that. It's probably more than that. If I really think through it.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: where the community that we've cultivated around us in our coaching community
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and in our entrepreneurial community. that it's the thing that allows you to be yourself so that you can grow
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and and that's what helps navigate helps you navigate the things like fear.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because there's always gonna be fear. The question is, what do you do when you have it
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right? Courage is not not having fear. Courage is acting anyway.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: So this is really poignant here, because the one thing that I see that modern humans really are struggling with. And I think that
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::there's not really necessarily a strong awareness of
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::Jeremy Van Wert: is that we have lost community in so many ways. You know, we stay home. We have our our screens at home. And and we we experience the world through on through watching movies through seeing through being on zooms with people at work and so forth. But the the home community, the community of people around you that are like minded to you
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::Jeremy Van Wert: in general, I'm not seeing most people being engaged with a real, true community of supporters that have what is considered a mastermind, a mastermind of
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::Jeremy Van Wert: success support
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::Jeremy Van Wert: being there for you. And you've created that in your coaching space, and you have that, and so that that people are actually getting that kind of
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: go go, go, go on behind you kind of support. Well, and that's I mean, that's the whole story. So the gather community is the name of my community. And the whole reason why it even exists is because of covid.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Right? We actually began as an in-person event space here in Santa Cruz that I created it was called Gather
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and Gather, came to my mind the idea of creating an in person space where we could do group activities, workshops where networking can happen. Things like that.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You know, I was a health. I was health coaching at the time still.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I wanted to be able to have what we called healthy, happy hours right? Get people together, talk on a topic, have some healthy snacks. Life doesn't have to be about drinking and and business cards. Right? Just let's have life
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and And so I started thinking about creating the space and what came to into my
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: consciousness, or whatever. My awareness at the time was a Gallup poll that had come out recently and living here in Santa Cruz. As you probably can imagine, we're here by the beach. Beautiful sunshine right now.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: The community, the Santa Cruz population scored very high on this poll in health and wellness. Right it was. I don't know if it was health and well, I think it was the health and wellness poll, but like physical activity, healthy eating. You know all of these components of wellness.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and the thing that they scored the worst at was community.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And knowing Santa Cruz, and having not been a native here, but a transplant kind of learning about the community. As from an outsider's perspective I could see that I could see that groups were relatively small unless you were like a surfer, and then, like the surfing community, is your community. But if you want to surfer hard to get in
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right, if you weren't born there and born into it. It was hard to get in.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I was finding that as someone new to town, it's kind of hard to get in if you weren't already here. So I decided I wanted to make a space that would bring people together as a newbie. I wanted to bring in
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: everyone that I could, so that we could start to grow community together in person. We all thought at the time we need more in person, community. Well, we opened in October of 2019.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And so 5 months later, we had to close the doors and turn off the lights and wait
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: for what we thought was going to be a couple of weeks. Right? Right? Yeah. And so, you know, we thought it was just going to be a couple of weeks, which is actually really great because we were so busy. I needed like a breather, and I needed to hire someone. But I wasn't making a profit yet. I didn't know what we were gonna do. But we were having a great time in our space in downtown Santa Cruz.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and within a few weeks, a month, 6 weeks, or whatever. We realize that we were not going back in person at all
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in any way. in any near future. So it took
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: our model of you of this room and said, You know, the room was designed. Here's a room. You can rent the room. I'm gonna help you with promotion. I got snacks. I got furniture. I got all this. I got great coffee. Come, I got Wi-fi come and have your events here in the room.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well, when we couldn't do things in person, I said, well, I'm just gonna move this model online. I was already using Zoom for years as a health coach working with people all around the country. And so let's put people in my zoom room.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I'm gonna bring you
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: an understanding of how to fill those rooms, how to get the word out about what you're teaching
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: bring you people that maybe you never would have met because they're my people. But I know you. So let's cross like overlap those ripples in the pond.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And that's how the gather community was born, I said. If you're a member of my community, I'm going to help you with all these things, and you're gonna pay a membership
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: instead of renting the room. They were members. And that's what we've been doing since the summer of 2020, and it's allowed us to no longer be bound by geography. but to keep connections
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: all around the country. North America, you know, globally, really, I mean time, zones are a thing. So you know, we don't have a lot of people in India.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: or you know Eastern Europe. But but some people from the Uk.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: it means that we're not bound by geography that we can reach people all in all these time zones.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: even though we've never met them, we can meet new people, even though we never would have met them. The only reason we can. It's because we've created a community that's online. That's irrespective of any kind of geographic boundary.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And it's 3 years later we're still going. And we're growing
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::Jeremy Van Wert: really well well done with changing it up and adapting to the situation and figuring out a
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: a means for growth in this, because that's that's what it's had to be in the last couple of years to actually survive in in times like well, that's you know, that it goes back to. We never know what the future holds right, I mean, from summer of 2,020. We knew we weren't going back in time in person anytime. Soon we get to December and man. The winter was brutal.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: We get in the spring. It's like, Oh, maybe we could do things. Maybe we could do something. Maybe we could do. Oh, no, we can't. Here comes in. Here comes Omicron, or whatever came next, and oh, this is getting better. Oh, no! Here comes Delta. This is gonna be that with, you know. So they kept being something new that kept us from going back.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And finally everyone realized that there's never any going back.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You can't ever go back even to last week, because that's past, right? So you're gonna have in get to the end of 2021
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: people really want to be in person. But yet they've met people all around the world on Zoom. Do you just forget that that happened? You can't. The online space will never go away. Yeah.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: it just won't. It's we are changed.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And that's part of what happens, especially in this times of crisis, is that we are changed and yes, in person, things will happen, but they are for a reason.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And the online things can also still happen for a reason. And that reason is that we're still connected and community, even though we don't live nearby.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Well, you have an amazing story, and here is where I ask you to do an exercise with me.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: I'd like for you to just think for a moment about what you want your children to take away from the years that you have spent as an adult, and the
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::Jeremy Van Wert: the changes that you have experienced, and the manner in which you have had to change
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::Jeremy Van Wert: and and reinvent yourself, and be resilient. And what is the takeaway that if you had to tell them the most important thing that things that they need to know about growing up and being in this world and being successful, what would you tell them?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You know, I mean, there's a lot of
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: little things that came to mind as you were asking the question things started to turn.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I think that the bottom line is, you know, I mean you said resilience and resilience is definitely a big theme for me but also decision that you get to decide
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: what's next.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Right? You get to choose what happens or not. What happens. You get to choose how you respond to what happens in life. That's something that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: a mentor said to me a long time ago, and it really helped me start to shift when I was. My kids were young, and I was making them lunches every day for school, which you know any parent can tell you is the worst. No one likes making kids lunches. I don't care about those tick-tockers who are making fancy stuff. They're lying. No one likes making lunches every single day, and so
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and so like the lunch making, and also like that, I have to take them to their thing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I would, you know, do my my work while they're at school, and after school I had had I had to pick them up and take my kid to gymnastics, or take the kids to Karate, or whatever I had to do that.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and I started. What was happening
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: in gymnastics is a good example. What was happening was, I was not spending my day very well like not being productive, wasting time, procrastinating being afraid of doing things, and so I wouldn't do them.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: And then now it's whatever time 30'clock, or whatever time have to pick them up and take to gymnastics, and I would get so upset that have to take. II can't. I have to take them to gymnastics.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: What I realized was, I thought that I was mad about my day having to stop and shift to
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: taking care of them, when really what I was not. It was myself not spending my own time well. and so what my mentor says, you know. But this is something
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: that you want to do. Not that you have to do. It's like, No, II want to finish this thing. I don't want to have to take, but you do
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: just like the lunches.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You want to do that. And I didn't understand. And she says, Well.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: what would happen if you didn't do it?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: They're not gonna die like, what's if you don't make them lunch?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: What's gonna happen? Well, then, they won't eat, you know. They won't eat lunch. They don't like the school food. They don't, you know. They won't eat that.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: like is not eating lunch, gonna be permanently detrimental. Well, I don't want them to not have to eat lunch like, or I don't want them, not like it, or be hungry, or be tired, or you know all these things that like now, my like I don't want them to to not which mean which is the double negative of you know I want them to be well fed. I want them to know that I cared enough to make them the lunch, and
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, if I chose not to. Then to me that would be showing them that I don't care
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: which is totally the opposite. Of course they care. So my choice is yes, I want to make them much, and once that shift turned around to everything that you do is a choice. So you say you don't want to do something, but you do it anyway, you actually do want to do it.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: You just have to find the frame
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: so that you recognize like, I want to do this because of this, it might not be what you think it is at first like I want to.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: you know, like, go to the gym, I want to go to the gym. Well done. A lot of people are like, Yeah, I want to go to the gym. They're like, I gotta go to the gym. I don't wanna go, but they go anyway. Right. You go anyway, because you actually do want to go because you want the results.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So when you can decide, or when you can recognize that
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: the things that you don't want to do. But you do, anyway, you actually do want to do then. Now everything is choice. You chose to do it
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: because you want these results, you chose to make them lunches because you want them to feel loved and to be well fed. You chose to end your day and take them to gymnastics because you want them to be enriched.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and the choice and the decision to do those things wherever you're upset about it
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: is something totally different than that choice. Right? I was upset about having to make them lunches because I thought it was boring.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: but when I shifted my brain to. I want to make them something that I know that they'll eat so that they'll be well set and be able to learn and grow and thrive
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: now. I didn't feel so bad about making them stupid, not, you know, peanut butter and jelly every single day, or whatever it was that they were eating that I just was so bored with.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I wanted variety, but they want stability. So you know, it's it's all about recognizing the choices that we make that will take you in the direction that you are choosing.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: So to go back to the original question of what would I want my kids to take away is that everything is a choice that even when you feel like you don't have a choice, you do
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: right, because even if something negative is happening, how you react is your choice.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: and that goes, you know, that goes hand in hand with resiliency, and like navigating
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: disaster and pandemics and death, and all of the things. How you react is your choice, and who you become
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: after that, whether it's kinder or bolder, or
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: or whatever more magical those are all the choices that you get to make
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Tracy thank you for lifelong friendship.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: Thank you for constant support, and thank you for being the inspiration that you are to so many people to me
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::Jeremy Van Wert: and and everyone. How do people get a hold of you?
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Well, probably the easiest way, since you're gonna put my name on here is Tracy route.com. I do have a gather community website as well. I'm on all the social medias you can find me on Facebook, for sure, where we have our Facebook group for the gather community as well. Come and join us there where we talk about everything that we have going on, including workshops, game nights. Speaker summits, all kinds of stuff.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: I'm on Linkedin. I'm on Instagram, I'm on, you know. Threads
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: all the things. No, Twitter. We don't do that, but other than that, all of the things. So you can always find me.
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::Tracie, ~The Gather Community~: Oh, fantastic! Thank you so much for joining us and telling your story, and kind of going long form here into deep into your life. And it it's just been a pleasure. Yeah, it's all mine. Yeah, it. The time flew by. So I'm super happy to have been here. Thank you so much, Jeremy.
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::Jeremy Van Wert: I'm Jeremy Van Wert, the CEO of high altitude mindset. Now go, be something great.
